Saying Hello and Goodbye

John Ortberg ruined me the day he wrote the title of his book ‘If You Want To Walk On Water, You’ve Got To Get Out Of The Boat.’ I first encountered this quick read when I took one of my (at the time) bi-annual visits to King’s Fold Retreat Centre for a solitary fasting retreat back in 2002. I was home from my travels in India, supporting a delightful lady with disabilities in her home and starting my first leadership experience with the Alpha course. There was possibility in the air and a deep desire to be used, to be found faithful and to experience something beyond the norm – basically I wanted to know and be know by the Divine – the Other-Than, the Great-Than. 

So. I took Ortberg’s challenge to pray for one particular thing every day for 6 months and see what happened. In his book, he said he would refund your money if you prayed for 6 months about one particular thing and nothing happened. He said to write him and tell him what happened and if nothing happened, watch in the mail. SO. I prayed. And 6 months later I wrote him a letter of the profound experiences and generous delights the Lord gave during that 6 month season – no refund on the book for me!

I’m no sailor or fisherman, nor do I have the remote chance of maintaining balance in a precarious boat. But I do know what it’s like to get out of one…to be acknowledged by name by The One Who Loves Fully, to be challenged to faith and not fear and….yet, to fall into the deep waters of divided, anxious focus only to be grabbed and saved and restored.

I kinda thought that once I got out of the boat I’d never get back in or that once I was out, I was out – walking, dancing and floating on the waters of faith with my sweet Lord would be my good fortune and forecast. Perhaps the getting out of the boat is only the beginning of what C.S. Lewis writes as ‘the farther up and further in’ of the kingdom –the first chapter a mere glimpse, taste, suggestion of what is to come.

SO – all that to say that – there is certainly more to come in my little life. My next wee step ‘farther up and further in’ is to pursue my long-time dream for doctoral studies – to continue the passion for researching the hospitality and service of Jesus and to find venues to share this research. To say hello to this dream means to say goodbye to another. I’m ok with this…I think. Transition takes time and involves the grieving of one thing in order to fully embrace another. And yet – I sense it is all one and the same dream really. This clinging to the cross, this longing for the divine, this sharing of life, is found in every context I am located in – physically and relationally; emotionally and spiritually.

Today’s coordinates are a ragamuffin camping experience on the edge of a river valley. Tomorrow’s coordinates are yet to be determined…there’s just one direction I know for sure. It’s the direction that takes me out of the boat…yet again. Lord have mercy.